One in a Millennial: On Friendship, Feelings, Fangirls, and Fitting In

Kennedy compares herself to the character Meredith Blake from the 1998 rendition of The Parent Trap. She always saw herself as being more of a stepmom character than a mom character. She sometimes feared that she wasn’t as maternal as she was supposed to be. She goes on to analyze how the various games, movies, stories, and songs that she and her friends participated in taught them that their future identities only existed “in the context of being a mom and having kids” (251).

Kennedy has since realized that she does want to have kids, but she remembers an era of her life when she was still unsure if she wanted to be a mom. She describes other women’s and men’s reactions to her deliberation. People often seemed to look down on her for rejecting maternity. She wonders why women are still being taught that they must be mothers in a world that supposedly offers women more opportunities (253).

Kennedy analyzes the ways in which the 2022 overturning of Roe v. Wade has impacted how women see their opportunities, identities, and bodies. Around this time, Kennedy got pregnant for the first time but had to terminate the pregnancy because it was dangerous to her health. The 2022 court decision now makes such procedures illegal in states around the country. Kennedy argues in defense of pro-choice, insisting that women must be allowed to decide if they do or do not want children.

Kennedy’s sister-in-law Emily sent her a Cuppy stuffed animal from The Parent Trap when she got pregnant. Emily feared the toy would upset Kennedy after she lost the baby, but Cuppy has been a comfort to her and continues to remind her that her pregnancy experience was real (270).

In an aside, Kennedy describes blogging trends from the post-recession era. She lauds the women who used blogs and social media to broadcast their maternal and domestic experiences.

Kennedy recalls an afternoon she spent working at a Starbucks. She had recently moved to Chicago and was struggling to make friends. She noticed a group of friends at the café and wondered what it would be like if they befriended her. Then the barista called out her Pumpkin Spice Latte order and Kennedy felt embarrassed. She didn’t want the friend group to see what she ordered and judge her.

Kennedy considers the notion of being a “basic bitch” (287). She dislikes this label but knows that it categorizes her taste. She argues that such labels shouldn’t be used, particularly regarding women. She describes all of the times that she hid what she liked in order to make friends and gain acceptance. She often pretended to like what men liked, hoping they would give her their approval. She also notes how specific brands and products have been marketed to women over time as markers of femininity and maternity (292). She considers how these trends are dangerous and admits to those that she genuinely likes. She also wonders why men aren’t chastised or ostracized for their musical, culinary, or cinematic tastes, when women have been taught to be ashamed of theirs (294). She references Beatlemania as an example and considers the ways in which boy bands have been specifically created for young girls. At the same time, women are criticized for liking such groups.

Kennedy says that in recent years, she has tried to stop feeling ashamed for what she does and doesn’t like. She believes that she has wasted too much time trying to alter her identity to gain acceptance and wants to stop doing this. She describes the ways that she’s changed and the attempts she’s made to claim who she is. She references the Spice Girls by way of example, revealing that they got their nicknames from a journalist but empowered themselves by accepting the potentially derogatory monikers (303).

Kennedy reflects on the preceding 11 essays in the collection. While each essay deals with a different topic, she reveals that with her book, she set out to determine if there was art to her experiences and tastes (306). She references Bravo’s The Real Housewives and uses the format of the show to look back on each of the collection’s chapters and explorations. She describes the subject matter of her essays and the conclusions she came to in each of them. She then speaks from her point of view in the present as she asks herself what lessons she has learned since starting the book. She is now 35 years old and her outlook on her past experiences has evolved. Most notably, she has gained more power over herself and claimed autonomy over her mind and body (315). She then addresses the reader and describes what she hopes her audience has gotten from her essays.

Kennedy presents another lineated poem that describes her difficulty ending her book. She reflects on the experience of writing about her childhood and how she’s learned to like herself more and feel less ashamed of who she is. The poem also reminds the reader not to prioritize fitting in but to prioritize self-love.